Questioning trans kids

September 19, 2025September 19, 2025 / growinguptransgender / Leave a comment

The UK Government and UK research councils have contributed £10 million pounds to a series of research studies on service users of the newly established Children and Young People’s Gender Services.

These studies include the PATHWAYS study programme (Puberty suppression And Transitional Healthcare with Adaptive Youth Services) led by Kings College London in partnership with the NHS. This programme covers five different studies.

1) ‘PATHWAYS HORIZON’ is a longitudinal observational cohort study of all children and young people (n~3600) attending CYPGS.

2) ‘HORIZON Intensive’, encompasses a sample of those from PATHWAYS HORIZON who are not approved to receive endocrine care who will be more intensively studied as a control group for PATHWAYS TRIAL;

3) PATHWAYS TRIAL, a study of those approved to receive puberty blockers (GnRHa) as part of a research study.

4) ‘PATHWAYS CONNECT’ a study of cognition and brain development in CYP attending the services, including those who are and are not receiving GnRHa.

5) ‘PATHWAYS VOICES’ a longitudinal qualitative interview based study of CYP attending CYPGS. In this article we will focus only on the first study, PATHWAYS HORIZON.

Here I’m just focusing on the questions that will be asked under the first study, Pathways Horizon.

In this blog I want to do two things:

Highlight some big picture concerns with the questions asked in the PATHWAYS Horizon study, alongside some recommendations for families and young trans people engaged with the new NHS England and Wales Gender Clinics.
Outline in an accessible format all the questions that are being asked in that study, so that families and trans young people can be better informed on whether they choose to participate.

The PATHWAYS Horizon study hopes to gain the consent of 80% of young people and families to participate in it. I hope that number will be very much smaller. I do not believe it will add useful information to our academic understanding of trans young people, certainly not information that is worth the risks and harms inherent in the whole approach and service. I consider not participating in this study (or at least opting out of the more harmful tools) an act of harm reduction for trans children, young people and supportive families. When I was first given some of these exact same tools, many years ago, when I first attended a GIDS appointment as a naïve and unknowledgeable parent of a young trans child, I did not feel able to decline to participate in filling in questionnaires that made me feel really uncomfortable. I hope to empower others to make a different choice.

Big Picture Concerns

They are asking an excessive number of questions, which is itself abusive and unreasonable – over 314 questions are here listed.
A large number of these questions of more or less irrelevant or only tangentially relevant for trans kids – they are not clinically useful, necessary or meaningful
These questions will never demonstrate what healthcare benefits trans children.
The data collection shown here will be exhausting, time-consuming and expensive, a colossal waste of NHS and research resources whilst not delivering useful outcomes.
Many of the questions outlined below are deeply pathologising, invasive, trauma-inducing and inappropriate.
Several tools present trans children as a problem, potentially reaffirming parental biases, and potentially reinforcing trans children’s shame and self-hate.
I continue to recommend families to avoid the new service, as it holds very little potential of offering anything of value, and high potential to cause significant harm. For many families it may just end up being a significant waste of time.
If families choose to attend, hoping for the chance to be part of a puberty blocker trial, please think carefully before choosing to participate in this research. As an academic researcher specialising in this field, this planned research is not needed, will not lead to better care for trans youth, and in the wrong hands research of this nature can be distorted to further reinforce pathologisation, control and barriers to care. Participation in this research is not necessary to be eligible for the puberty blocker trial. Please know that you can decline participation. Please let your young person know they can decline participation.
If you do still choose to participate, please be aware of the potential for harm and trauma in several of the tools outlined below.
In particular I am concerned about the tools labelled the Child Behaviour Checklist (which is an awful tool to use for trans children, asking 118 questions on how much of a problem they are to the world), the Utrecht Gender Dysphoria Scale – Gender Spectrum (UGDS-GS) (which uses very outdated measures of gender dysphoria); Body Image Scale – Gender Spectrum (BIS-GS) (a horrific tool that asks children to assess how much they hate all their body parts); the ALSPAC Romantic Relations (which in spite of its name asks totally irrelevant and intrusive questions about the sex life of those aged 12-17). The SCOFF tool has a questionable name for a tool designed to screen for eating disorders.
I continue to be concerned about the questions that will be asked under the heading ‘medical history’, which by description is far wider a category with room to ask all kinds of irrelevant questions. I expect that component could include the typical gender clinic fascinations: many questions for parents on childbirth, parenting approaches, family deaths, family tensions, family gender roles and other irrelevant and trauma-uninformed lines of questioning. I expect there will be many questions for young people on defending and justifying their theoretical understanding of gender, and questioning them on proposed causes of gender confusion including social media, peer pressure, porn viewing, childhood trauma, parental homophobia or whatever is the latest transphobic focus in a search for anything other than transness to explain transness.
Throughout the years of the earlier GIDS clinic, there was a long and noble history of trans children, adolescents and supportive families putting the questionnaires that were offensive and harmful straight in the bin. Of asserting a right to not answer any question that feels off, that feels uncomfortable, that doesn’t seem relevant to the healthcare support being sought. Please continue this noble tradition in the new service. You should not answer any questions that make you or your young person uncomfortable. Bad questions always give bad data that will not benefit any trans young people. Research trauma is a serious concern. The NHS and associated researchers are not taking their ethical duty of care seriously, so we need service users to take this on. I’m writing this primarily to parents as I don’t think under 18s are likely to read this. But for any trans under 18s who do read this – please don’t feel pressured to answer questions that make you uncomfortable or seem strange or irrelevant. You do not have to answer and they cannot make you.
This is the non-intensive study – an additional ‘intensive study is also planned for those who will be in the puberty blocker trial and the control group for that trial). I repeat more than 314 questions for parents and more than 314 questions for children/young people is the non-intensive study.
These extensive, time and resource consuming, and largely irrelevant questions need to be understood in the context of a service that is trying to give the appearance of being busy, giving the appearance of doing something RIGOROUS, whilst failing to deliver any of the services that trans young people need and have a right to. It serves to keep service users distracted from the care that is not being offered. It provides baseline data on a host of largely irrelevant (or tangentially relevant) areas of mental health, generic well-being, neurodivergence etc, from which the service can seek to ‘further explore’ every one of those ‘issues’ or concerns, whilst denying or delaying affirmative healthcare. The type of intentional distraction and delay is a known component of modern conversive approaches.
Conversion therapy in the NHS never wears a badge saying ‘I will make you cis’. It comes much more subtly: Before we talk about the support that you need, FIRST we need to ask these hundreds of questions. Before we talk about puberty blockers or HRT, we first need to explore each of these areas of mental health or neurodivergence, or sexual attraction or family functioning or body image or sex life. We need to thoroughly explore what is going on holistically before we can do anything else. We need to be thorough. We need to avoid misdiagnosis. We need to rule out other causes. We need to Explore.
Not useful research: In spite of hundreds of questions, pages of spreadsheets and millions of pounds, this research will not answer questions that would be useful for a health service to know the answer to. Questions like: What are the things that make life harder for a trans child or adolescent? What are the things that improve things for trans children? The research isn’t answering these questions because we already know most of the answers. And our NHS and government and country does not like the answers to those questions. Cos they don’t care whether trans kids have a tough life. They don’t want to help trans kids at all. That is not the purpose of this service. It is a service to ‘study’ trans kids, to delay trans kids, and through delay to convert trans kids – pushing them to suppress their identity, to give up their fight, to think of themselves as a problem, as broken, pushing them to give up even thinking that they matter or have rights.

Number of Questions

Tool	Parent questions	Child/Young Person Questions
Kidscreen-52 (generic wellbeing)	52	52
CBCL (Problem behaviour)	118	118
Parental ‘About Yourself’ Questionnaire	2	0
SNAP-IV tool (ADHD)	18	0
Social Communication Questionnaire (SCQ) (autism)	40	0
PATHWAYS Gender Identity Questionnaire	0	2
Social Transition Questionnaire	0	5
Adolescent Primary Care Traumatic Stress Screen (APCTSS) (trauma screen)	5	5
Revised Child Anxiety and Depression Scale (RCADS) (anxiety and depression)	25	25
Utrecht Gender Dysphoria Scale – Gender Spectrum (UGDS-GS) (dated measures of gender dysphoria)	0	18
Body Image Scale – Gender Spectrum (BIS-GS) (body image)	0	33
Ask Suicide-Screening Questions (ASQ)	4	4
SCOFF Questionnaire – Test for Detecting Eating Disorders	5	5
Difficulties in Emotion Regulation Scale (DERS)	29	18
Sexual Attraction	0	1
ALSPAC Romantic Relations (sex life)	0	14
Parental Attitudes of Gender Expansiveness Scale for Youth (PAGES)	16	14
15 minutes questioning on ‘medical history’ that covers huge range of areas.	Unknown	Unknown
Annual Health Update	Unknown	Unknown

Total questions	Over 314 questions	Over 314 questions

Detailed Breakdown of the exact questions being asked

52 questions for parent & 52 questions for young person from the Kidscreen-52 tool (here the parent version)

In general how would your child rate their health? (excellent; very good; good; fair; poor)

Thinking about last week (with answers: not at all; slightly; moderately; very; extremely or never; seldom; quite often; very often; always)

Has your child felt fit and well
Has your child been physically active (e.g. running, climbing, biking)?
Has your child been able to run well?
Has your child felt full of energy
Has your child felt that life was enjoyable
Has your child felt pleased that they are alive
Has your child felt satisfied with their life
Has your child been in a good mood
Has your child felt cheerful
Has your child had fun
Has your child felt that they do everything badly
Has your child felt sad
Has your child felt so bad that they didn’t want to do anything
Has your child felt that everything in their life goes wrong
Has your child felt fed up
Has your child felt lonely
Has your child felt under pressure
Has your child felt happy with the way they are
Has your child been happy with their clothes
Has your child been happy with the way they look
Has your child felt jealous other the way other children look
Has your child wanted to change something about their body
Has your child had enough time for themselves
Has your child been able to do the things they want in their spare time
Has your child had enough opportunity to be outside
Has your child had enough opportunity to meet friends
Has your child been able to choose what to do in their free time
Has your child felt understood by their parents
Has your child felt loved by their parents
Has your child been happy at home
Has your child felt that their parents had enough time for them
Has your child felt that their parents treated them fairly
Has your child been able to talk to their parents when they wanted to
Has your child had enough money to do the same things as their friends
Has your child felt they had enough money for their expenses
Does your child feel they have enough money to do things with their friends
Has your child spent time with their friends
Has your child done things with other children
Has your child had fun with their friends
Has your child and their friends helped each other
Has your child been able to talk about everything with their friends
Has your child been able to rely on their friends
Has your child been happy at school
Has your child got on well at school
Has your child been satisfied with their teachers
Has your child been able to pay attention
Has your child been enjoying school
Has your child got along with their teachers
Has your child been afraid of other children
Have other children made fun of your child
Have other children bullied your child.

(the default questions use he/she and boys/girls language – I’m assuming they will adapt to use they and child as written above)

118 questions for parent & 118 questions for young person from the Child Behaviour Checklist

For each questions the available answers are:

0=Not true (as far as you know); 1=Somewhat or sometimes true; 2=Very true or often true

1.Acts too young for his/her age / I act too young for my age
2. Drinks alcohol without parent’s approval / I drink alcohol without my parent’s approval
3. Argues a lot / I argue a lot
4. Fails to finish things he/she starts / I fail to finish things I start
5. There is very little that he/she enjoys / There is very little that I enjoy
6. Bowel movements outside toilet / I like animals
7. Bragging, boasting / I brag
8. Can’t concentrate, can’t pay attention for long / I have trouble concentrating or paying attention
9. Can’t get their mind off certain thoughts/obsessions (describe) / I can’t get my mind off certain thoughts/obsessions (describe)
10. Can’t sit still, restless or hyperactive / I have trouble sitting still
11. Clings to adults or too dependent / I’m too dependent on adults
12. Complains of loneliness / I feel lonely
13. Confused or seems to be in a fog / I feel confused or in a fog
14. Cries a lot / I cry a lot
15. Cruel to animals / I am pretty honest
16. Cruelty, bullying or meanness to others / I am mean to others
17. Daydreams or gets lost in his/her thoughts / I daydream a lot
18. Deliberately harms self or attempts suicide / I deliberately try to hurt or kill myself
19. Demands a lot of attention / I try to get a lot of attention
20. Destroys his/her own things / I destroy my own things
21. Destroys things belonging to his/her family or others / I destroy things belonging to others
22. Disobedient at home / I disobey my parents
23.Disobedient at school / I disobey at school
24. Doesn’t eat well / I don’t eat as well as I should
25. Doesn’t get along with other kids / I don’t get along with other kids
26. Doesn’t seem to feel guilty after misbehaving / I don’t feel guilty after doing something I shouldn’t
27. Easily jealous / I am jealous of others
28. Breaks rules at home, school, or elsewhere / I breaks rules at home, school, or elsewhere
29. Fears certain animals, situations or places other than school / I am afraid of certain animals, situations or places other than school
30. Fears going to school / I am afraid of going to school
31. Fears he/she might think or do something bad / I’m afraid I might think or do something bad
32. Feels he/she must be perfect / I feel that I have to be perfect
33. Feels or complains that no one loves him/her / I feel that no one loves me
34. Feels others are out to get him/her / I feel that others are out to get me
35. Feels worthless or inferior / I feel worthless or inferior
36. Gets hurt a lot/accident prone / I accidently get hurt a lot
37. Gets in many fights / I get in many fights
38. Gets teased a lot / I get teased a lot
39. Hangs with others who get in trouble / I hang around with kids who get into trouble
40. Hears sound or voices that aren’t there / I hear sound or voices that other people think aren’t there
41.Impulsive or acts without thinking / I act without stopping to think
42. Would rather be alone than with others / I would rather be alone than with others
43. Lying or cheating / I lie or cheat
44. Bites fingernails / I bite my fingernails
45. Nervous, high-strung, or tense / I am nervous or tense
46. Nervous movements or twitching (describe) / parts of my body twitch or make nervous movements
47. Nightmares / I have nightmares
48. Not liked by other kids / I am not liked by other kids
49. Constipated, doesn’t move bowels / I can do certain things better than other kids
50. Too fearful or anxious / I am too fearful or anxious
51. Feels dizzy or lightheaded / I feel dizzy or lightheaded
52. Feels too guilty / I feel too guilty
53. Overeating / I eat too much
54. Over-tired, without good reason / I feel overtired without good reason
55. Overweight / I am overweight
56. Physical problems without known medical cause:
a) Aches or pains (not stomach or headache)
b) Headaches
c) Nausea, feels sick
d) Problems with eyes (not corrected by glasses)
e) Rashes or other skin problems
f) Stomach aches
g) Vomiting / throwing up
h) Other (describe)
57. Physically attacks people / I physically attack people
58. Picks nose/skin/other part of body (describe) / I picks my nose/skin/other part of body (describe)
59. Plays with own sex parts in public / I can be pretty friendly
60. Plays with own sex parts too much / I like to try new things
61. Poor school work / My school work is poor
62. Poorly coordinated or clumsy / I am poorly coordinated or clumsy
63. Prefers being with older kids / I would rather be with older kids than kids my own age
64. Prefers being with younger kids / I would rather be with younger kids than kids my own age
65. Refuses to talk / I refuse to talk
66. Repeats certain acts over and over; compulsions (describe) / I repeat certain acts over and over; compulsions (describe)
67. Runs away from home / I run away from home
68. Screams a lot / I scream a lot
69. Secretive, keeps things to self / I am secretive or keep things to myself
70. Sees things that aren’t there / I see things that other people think aren’t there
71. Self-conscious or easily embarrassed / I am self-conscious or easily embarrassed
72. Sets fires / I set fires
73. Sexual problems / I can work well with my hands
74. Showing off or clowning / I show off or clown
75. Too shy or timid / I am too timid or shy
76. Sleeps less than most kids / I sleep less than most kids
77. Sleeps more than most kids during day and/or night (describe) / I sleep more than most kids during day and/or night (describe)
78. Inattentive or easily distracted / I am inattentive or easily distracted
79. Speech problem (describe) / I have a speech problem (describe)
80. Stares blankly / I stand up for my rights
81. Steals at home / I steal at home
82. Steals outside the home / I steal from places outside the home
83. Stores up too many things they don’t need (describe) / I stores up too many things I don’t need (describe)
84. Strange behaviour (describe) / I do things other people think are strange
85. Strange ideas / I have thoughts other people would think are strange (describe)
86. Stubborn, sullen, or irritable / I am stubborn
87. Sudden changes in mood or feelings / My moods or feelings change suddenly
88. Sulks a lot / I enjoy being with people
89. Suspicious / I am suspicious
90. Swearing or obscene language / I swear or use dirty language
91. Talks about killing self / I think about killing myself
92. Talks or walks in sleep (describe) / I like to make others laugh
93. Talks too much / I talk too much
94. Teases a lot / I tease others a lot
95. Temper tantrums or hot temper / I have a hot temper
96. Thinks about sex too much / I think about sex too much
97. Threatens people / I threaten to hurt people
98. Thumb-sucking / I like to help others
99. Smokes, chews, or sniffs tobacco / I smokes, chew, or sniff tobacco
100. Trouble sleeping / I have trouble sleeping (describe)
101. Truancy or unexplained absence / I cut classes or skip school
102. Underactive, slow moving or lacks energy / I don’t have much energy
103. Unhappy, sad or depressed / I am unhappy, sad or depressed
104. Unusually loud / I am louder than other kids
105. Uses dugs/alcohol for nonmedical purposes / I use drugs for non-medical purposes
106. Vandalism / I like to be fair to others
107. Wets self during the day / I enjoy a good joke
108. Wets the bed / I like to take life easy
109. Whining / I try to help other people where I can
110. Wishes to be of opposite sex / I wish I were of the opposite sex
111. Withdrawn, doesn’t get involved with others / I keep from getting involved with others
112. Worries / I worry a lot
113. Please write in any problems your child has that were not listed above.

2 questions for parents on Parental ‘About Yourself’ Questionnaire

Do you identify’ as: ‘woman/girl’, ‘man/boy’, ‘transwoman/transgirl’, ‘transman/transboy’, ‘non-binary/genderqueer/agender/gender fluid’, ‘don’t know’, ‘prefer not to say’, ‘other’.
What was your sex assigned at birth? ‘female’, ‘male’, ‘don’t know’, and ‘prefer not to say’.

18 questions for parents on SNAP-IV tool, assessing symptoms of ADHD

(not at all; just a little; quite a bit; very much)

1. Often fails to give close attention to details or makes careless mistakes in schoolwork or tasks
2. Often has difficulty sustaining attention in tasks or play activities
3. Often does not seem to listen when spoken to directly
4. Often does not follow through on instructions and fails to finish schoolwork, chores, or duties
5. Often has difficulty organizing tasks and activities
6. Often avoids, dislikes, or reluctantly engages in tasks requiring sustained mental effort
7. Often loses things necessary for activities (e.g., toys, school assignments, pencils or books
8. Often is distracted by extraneous stimuli
9. Often is forgetful in daily activities
10. Often fidgets with hands or feet or squirms in seat
11. Often leaves seat in classroom or in other situations in which remaining seated is expected
12. Often runs about or climbs excessively in situations in which it is inappropriate
13. Often has difficulty playing or engaging in leisure activities quietly
14. Often is “on the go” or often acts as if “driven by a motor”
15. Often talks excessively
16. Often blurts out answers before questions have been completed
17. Often has difficulty awaiting turn
18. Often interrupts or intrudes on others (e.g., butts into conversations/ games

40 questions for parents on Social Communication Questionnaire (SCQ) for assessing autism (I haven’t updated the language to make gender neutral here)

1. Is she/he now able to talk using short phrases or sentences? If no, skip to Question 8
2. Do you have a to-and-fro “conversation” with her/him that involves taking turns or building on what you have said
3. Does she/he ever use odd phrases or say the same thing over and over in almost exactly the same way (either phrases that she/he hears other people use or ones that she/he makes up).
4. Does she/he ever use socially inappropriate questions or statements? For example, does she/he regularly ask personal questions or make personal comments at awkward times
5. Does she/he ever get her/his pronouns mixed up (e.g. saying you or she/he for I).
6. Does she/he ever use words that she/he seems to have invented or made up herself/himself; put things in odd, indirect ways; or use metaphorical ways of saying things (e.g. saying hot rain for steam)
7. Does she/he ever say the same thing over and over in exactly the same way or insist that you say the same thing over and over again.
8. Does she/he ever have things that she/he seems to have to do in a very particular way or order or rituals that she/he insists that you go through
9. Does her/his facial expression usually seem appropriate to the particular situation, as far as you can tell
10. Does she/he ever use your hand like a tool or as if it were part of her/his own body (e.g. pointing with your finger, putting your hand on a doorknob to get you to open the door)#
11. Does she/he ever have any interests that preoccupy her/him and might seem odd to other people (e.g. traffic lights, drainpipes, timetables)
12. Does she/he ever seem to be more interested in parts of a toy or an object (e.g. spinning the wheels of a car), rather than in using the objects as it was intended.
13. Does she/he ever have any special interests that are unusual in their intensity but otherwise appropriate for her/his age and peer group (e.g. trains or dinosaurs)
14. Does she/he ever seem to be unusually interested in the sight, feel, sound, taste, or smell of things or people
15. Does she/he ever have any mannerisms or odd ways of moving her/his hands or fingers, such as flapping or moving her/his fingers in front of her/his eyes
16. Does she/he ever have any complicated movements of her/his whole body, such as spinning or repeatedly bouncing up and down.
17. Does she/he ever injure herself/himself deliberately, such as biting her/his arm or banging her/his head
18. Does she/he ever have any objects (other than a soft toy or comfort blanket) that she/he has to carry around
19. Does she/he ever have any particular friends or a best friend
20. Does she/he ever talk to you just to be friendly (rather than to get something)
21. Does she/he ever spontaneously copy you (or other people) or what you are doing (such as vacuuming, gardening, or mending things)
22. Does she/he ever spontaneously point at things around her/him just to show you things (not because she/he wants them)
23. Does she/he ever use gestures, other than pointing or pulling your hand, to let you know what she/he wants
24. Does she/he nod her/his head to indicate yes
25. Does she/he shake her/his head to indicate no
26. Does she/he usually look at you directly in the face when doing things with you or talking with you
27. Does she/he smile back if someone smiles at her/him
28. Does she/he ever show you things that interest her/him to engage your attention?
29. Does she/he ever offer to share things other than food with you
30. Does she/he ever seem to want you to join in her/his enjoyment of something
31. Does she/he ever try to comfort you if you are sad or hurt
32. If she/he wants something or wants help, does she/he look at you and use gestures with sounds or words to get your attention
33. Does she/he show a normal range of facial expressions
34. Does she/he ever spontaneously join in and try to copy the actions in social games, such as The Mulberry Bush or London Bridge Is Falling Down
35. Does she/he play any pretend or make-believe games
36. Does she/he seem interested in other children of approximately the same age whom she/he does not know
37. Does she/he respond positively when another child approaches her/him
38. If you come into a room and start talking to her/him without calling her/his name, does she/he usually look up and pay attention to you
39. Does she/he ever play imaginative games with another child in such a way that you can tell that each child understands what the other is pretending
40. Does she/he play cooperatively in games that need some form of joining in with a group of other children, such as hide-and-seek or ball games?

2 questions for young people on PATHWAYS Gender Identity Questionnaire

1. What best describes your gender identity?’

‘definitely a boy’, mainly a boy’, ‘in the middle’, ‘definitely a girl’, ‘mainly a girl’, ‘neither a boy or girl’, ‘not sure’ and ‘none of the above’.

2. Are there other words that you use to describe your gender identity? (select all that apply), ‘cisgender’, transgender’, ‘non-binary’, ‘agender’, ‘genderfluid’, ‘genderqueer’, ‘two-spirit’ and ‘other’.

5 Questions for Young people on Social Transition Questionnaire

“Have you socially transitioned in any of the following settings?”, followed by a checklist of five settings: Home, School, With Friends, Online, and Any Other Setting (e.g., holiday).

5 Questions for Parent and 5 questions for young people on Adolescent Primary Care Traumatic Stress Screen (APCTSS) (here the young person version)

In the past month have you:

Had bad dreams about scary experiences or other bad dreams?
Had upsetting thoughts, pictures or sounds of scary experiences come into your mind when you didn’t want them to?
Tried not to think about or have feelings about scary experiences?
Been mad at yourself or someone else for making the scary experiences happen, not doing more to stop it, or to help after?
Felt jumpy or easily startled, like when you hear a loud noise, or when something surprises you?

25 Questions for parent and 25 questions for young people on Revised Child Anxiety and Depression Scale (RCADS)

Children or parents rate how often symptoms occur, using a four-point scale: 0 (Never), 1 (Sometimes), 2 (Often), or 3 (Always).

The tool asks 25 different questions written for either a child to self-complete (the version below) or with slightly rephrased questions for an adult to complete (where question 1 is “My child worries about things”.

1. I feel sad or empty.
2. I worry when I think I have done poorly at something.
3. I would feel afraid of being on my own at home.
4. Nothing is much fun anymore.
5. I worry that something awful will happen to someone in my family.
6. I am afraid of being in crowded places (like shopping centers, the movies, buses, busy playgrounds).
7. I worry what other people think of me.
8. I have trouble sleeping.
9. I feel scared if I have to sleep on my own.
10. I have problems with my appetite.
11. I suddenly become dizzy or faint when there is no reason for this.
12. I have to do some things over and over again (like washing my hands, cleaning or putting things in a certain order).
13. I have no energy for things.
14. I suddenly start to tremble or shake when there is no reason for this.
15. I cannot think clearly.
16. I feel worthless.
17. I have to think of special thoughts (like numbers or words) to stop bad things from happening.
18. I think about death.
19. I feel like I don’t want to move.
20. I worry that I will suddenly get a scared feeling when there is nothing to be afraid of.
21. I am tired a lot.
22. I feel afraid that I will make a fool of myself in front of people.
23. I have to do some things in just the right way to stop bad things from happening.
24. I feel restless.
25. I worry that something bad will happen to me

18 Questions for young person on Utrecht Gender Dysphoria Scale – Gender Spectrum (UGDS-GS)

I prefer to behave like my affirmed gender;
Every time someone treats me like my assigned sex I feel hurt;
It feels good to live as my affirmed gender;
I always want to be treated like my affirmed gender;
A life in my affirmed gender is more attractive for me than a life in my assigned sex;
I feel unhappy when I have to behave like my assigned sex;
It is uncomfortable to be sexual in my assigned sex;
I wish I had been born as my affirmed gender;
My life would be meaningless if I would have to live as my assigned sex;
I feel hopeless if I have to stay in my assigned sex;
I feel unhappy when someone misgenders me;
I hate my birth assigned sex;
I feel uncomfortable behaving like my assigned sex;
It would be better not to live, than to live as my assigned sex.
Puberty felt like a betrayal;
Physical sexual development was stressful;
The bodily functions of my assigned sex are distressing for me (i.e. erection, menstruation);
I feel unhappy because I have the physical characteristics of my assigned sex.

33 Questions for Children/Young people on Body Image Scale – Gender Spectrum (BIS-GS)

Each questions asks: a) How happy are you with [insert name of a particular body part]?: With answers i) very happy ii) happy iii) neutral iv) unhappy v) very unhappy vi) don’t have.

Each question is followed up with: Would you want to change that body part if it was possible through medical or surgical treatment? i) Yes ii) No

1) Nose:
2) Shoulders
3) Hips
4) Chin
5) Calves
6) Breasts
7) Chest
8) Hands
9) Adam’s Apple
10) penis
11) clitoris
12) testes
13) ovaries
14) scrotum
15) vagina
16) Height
17) Thighs
18) Arms
19) Eyebrows
20) Waist
21) Buttocks
22) Biceps
23) Hair
24) Feet
25) Muscles
26) Facial Hair
27) Face
28) Voice
29) Weight
30) Body figure/shape
31) stature
32) Body hair
33) Appearance

4 Questions for parent and 4 questions for child/young person on Ask Suicide-Screening Questions (ASQ) (here the child/young person version)

1. In the past few weeks, have you wished you were dead? Yes No
2. In the past few weeks, have you felt that you or your family would be better off if you were dead? Yes No
3. In the past week, have you been having thoughts about killing yourself? Yes No
4. Have you ever tried to kill yourself? Yes No
If yes, How? When?

5 questions for parent and 5 questions for young person on the SCOFF Questionnaire – Test for Detecting Eating Disorders (here the child/young person version)

1. Do you make yourself Sick because you feel uncomfortably full? Yes No
2. Do you worry you have lost Control over how much you eat? Yes No
3. Have you recently lost more than One stone in a 3 month period? Yes No
4. Do you believe yourself to be Fat when others say you are too thin? Yes No
5. Would you say that Food dominates your life? Yes No

29 questions for parents and 18 questions for children/young people on Difficulties in Emotion Regulation Scale (DERS)

(here the child/young person shorter version)

Statements are presented that need to be answered as Almost Never, Sometimes, About half the time, Most of the time, Almost always

1. I pay attention to how I feel.
2. I have no idea how I am feeling.
3. I have difficulty making sense out of my feelings.
4. I am attentive to my feelings.
5. I am confused about how I feel.
6. When I’m upset, I acknowledge my emotions.
7. When I’m upset, I become embarrassed for feeling that way.
8. When I’m upset, I have difficulty getting work done.
9. When I’m upset, I become out of control.
10. When I’m upset, I believe that I will remain that way for a long time.
11. When I’m upset, I believe that I’ll end up feeling very depressed.
12. When I’m upset, I have difficulty focusing on other things.
13. When I’m upset, I feel ashamed with myself for feeling that way.
14. When I’m upset, I feel guilty for feeling that way.
15. When I’m upset, I have difficulty concentrating.
16. When I’m upset, I have difficulty controlling my behaviors.
17. When I’m upset, I believe that wallowing in it is all I can do.
18. When I’m upset, I lose control over my behaviors.

1 Question for children/young people on Sexual Attraction

(question for 12 years+)

Who are you attracted to?

Options: ‘Prefer not to say’, ‘Males’, ‘Females’, ‘Males and females’, ‘Neither’, ‘Not sure’

14 Questions for children/young people on ALSPAC Romantic Relations

(question for 12 years+)

In the past 30 days:

1. Have you hugged anybody?
2. Have you held hands?
3. Have you spent time alone?
4. Have you kissed?
4a. Have you been kissed by anybody?
5. Have you cuddled?
6. Have you lain down together?
7. Has someone put their hands under your clothing?
8. Have you put your hands under someone else’s clothing?
9. Have you been undressed with your genitals showing?
10. Have you touched or fondled someone’s private parts?
11. Has someone touched or fondled your genitals?
12. Have you performed oral sex?
13. Has someone performed oral sex on you?
14. Have you had sex?

16 questions for parents and 14 Questions for children /young people on Parental Attitudes of Gender Expansiveness Scale for Youth (PAGES)

(1= strongly disagree; 5= strongly agree

1. I am proud of my child
2. I am ashamed of my child
3. I try to hide my child’s gender identity
4. My child can be him- or herself around me
5. I advocate for the rights of my child
6. I protect my child and defend my child against others’ prejudice against gender-nonconforming/transgender people
7. I have problems with my child’s gender expression
8. I encourage my child to wear clothing and accessories consistent with their birth-assigned gender
9. I use toys, treats or other rewards to pressure my child not to gender transition and to live as his or her birth-assigned gender
10. My child can talk about romantic relationships and dating
11. I worry about how my child’s gender identity will affect our family’s image
12. I feel like a bad parent because I have a child that is gender-nonconforming/transgend
13. I think my child is gender-nonconforming/transgender because of something I did wrong
14. I feel like I am losing a son/daughter, or as if my child were dead
15. I am supportive of my child’s gender transition
16. I am worried that my child’s gender identity is a bad influence on my other children

Child/Young person version

1. My parents are proud of me
2. My parents are ashamed of me
3. My parents try to hide me
4. I can be myself around my parents
5. My parents advocate for my rights as a gender-expansive/trans* child
6. My parents protect me and defend me against others prejudice against gender-expansive/trans* people
7. My parents have problems with my gender expression
8. My parents use rewards or treats to pressure me to live as my sex assigned at birth
9. I can talk to my parents about romantic relationships and dating
10. My parents worry about how my gender identity will affect our family’s image
11. My parents probably believe they are bad parents because I am gender-expansive/trans*
12. My parents probably believe that I am gender-expansive/trans* because of something they did wrong
13. My parents are supportive of my gender transition
14. My parents are worried that my gender identity is a bad influence on other kids in my family

15 minutes questioning on ‘medical history’

This component is the least clear. It mentions covering the following vast topic areas that are defined as ‘Medical History’ Domains:

1. Family Context
2. Developmental History
3. Physical Health
4. Mental Health and Risk
5. Adverse childhood experiences
6. Safeguarding
7. Gender Development and Experiences
8. Sexual Development, Knowledge and Sexual Orientation
9. Education, Peer Relationships, and Social Context
10. Additional Information.
Clinical Judgements – Impact assessments and clinical evaluation for various aspects of the CYP’s development and wellbeing;
Parental Support – Judgements on the level of positive parental support and any conflicts between parents/carers/legal guardians or between parents/carers/legal guardians and the CYP.

Would be good to find out exactly what data is collected and why.

Annual Health Update

A questionnaire was designed to assess:

CYP’s current height and weight,
current prescribed medications
diagnoses including neurodevelopmental, mental health and physical health, received in the past year. number of GP appointments
planned surgeries or procedures
A&E attendances or other unplanned admissions in the past year.
The reasons for the GP appointments and A&E attendances
Length of hospital admission for planned surgeries or procedures and admissions following an A&E attendance

Experiences of therapeutic options

Data will also be collected on rates of referral to, uptake of and completion of:

Psychological therapy
Occupational therapy
Speech and language therapy,
Clinical nursing
Youth work support
School/College support
Non-endocrine pharmacological treatments

Compensation

Children/young people and parent/carer/legal guardian completing informant measures will each receive shop vouchers worth £20 for each data collection episode.

Featured

Trans kids in 2023: Optimism and defiance

March 3, 2023March 3, 2023 / growinguptransgender / 1 Comment

Image from She-Ra and the Princess of Power (2018) by ND Stevenson

Caring about trans kids in 2023 continues to be heart-breaking. Worry and far too many tears.

Over the past 4 years, most ‘spare’ hours in my day (or more usually in the night) have been focused on my PhD: “Cis-supremacy: Experiences of trans children and families in the UK”. I chose to embark on a PhD in frustration at the bad science that informed policy and practice across the UK, frustration borne from failed attempts to advocate for trans children’s rights since 2015.

I have now submitted my PhD (phew), having already published 12 peer reviewed articles on the experiences of trans children and supportive families (research that has to date been ignored by UK media, NHS and policy makers…).

At this point of transition from PhD to what comes next, I’ve been taking stock on the last 7+ years of trying to advocate for trans children in the UK.

At first, my reflection was rather subdued. Since 2015, year upon year, across a host of different indicators of progress, the situation in the UK has got worse. Healthcare for trans kids has gone from abysmal to worse than abysmal. Media coverage has got worse. Discrimination appears harder to combat. Guidance for schools has got worse.

Having tried for so many years to help build a better world for trans kids than the one I saw in 2015, it has been beyond dispiriting to see everything year upon year seem worse. Year upon year it has been harder to make room for hope.

But

That is not the end of the story.

I was actively searching for the signs of optimism that I need to keep up the fight.

The thing I ended up on, our greatest strength, (and the reason why we will win) lies in supported and self-confident trans kids.

Since 2015, year upon year, more and more trans kids are being supported by their families. Amidst private forums, the numbers of affirming families continue to rise. Families whose kids know that they are respected, valued and cherished for who they are.

Year upon year I have seen families supporting trans kids at a younger age, families waiting shorter and shorter periods before affirming and embracing their trans kids, requiring trans kids to fight less hard for parental love. Year on year I have seen more families react with instant positivity, affirmation and love to a child sharing their identity. A noticeable shift from even 5 years ago when that was a rarity.

Year upon year I have seen majority discourse within family support groups shift from a focus on ‘loss’ or worry about a child’s identity to love and pride.

Year upon year I have seen more families stand up alongside their child at any age and argue for their equal rights.

Year upon year I see more trans kids who can speak up and claim their rights even in primary school (not that I think trans kids should carry this burden…)

Year upon year I see more families and kids demand genuine equality and respect from their wider families, schools and communities, not settling for tolerance or segregated accommodations.

I see within communities of trans kids the difference that this trans positivity makes. I meet trans kids who have been supported, who have grown up expecting to be treated as genuine equals to their cis peers. Trans kids surrounded by love and support can grow up without the heavy blanket of shame that so many older folks carry through our lives (see toxic shame).

When I look back over the past years of advocacy, the issue that gives me most pride is every family who I have in some small way supported to gain the knowledge and confidence to support and advocate for their trans kid. Every single supported trans kid makes a difference.

Those supported trans kids go out into the world a bit stronger, a bit less kicked down by this trans-hostile world. Many such trans kids and trans positive families end up providing a safe space for trans kids without affirming families. Many trans kids (whether supported at home or not) end up supporting a whole network of trans youth, providing peer advice, validation and mutual aid.

Every trans kid makes the world a better place.

This is why transphobes are so afraid of social transition.

Because trans kids who are supported young are less likely to grow up overwhelmed by shame or self-hatred.

Trans kids with self-respect will fiercely demand their rights. And they will fight even harder for the rights of their friends.

Trans kids are no longer isolated and alone.

Some trans kids stand on many strong pillars of support and trans-positivity. Some trans kids wobble on only a few. Every bit of support and trans-positivity matters.

Transphobes, including in the NHS, are trying to formally discourage social transition. To deny trans kids support. To deny them connection. To instil in them shame.

But, in the internet age, that boat has already sailed. Trans kids can’t be kept in the dark any longer. Their route to self-knowledge and self-actualisation cannot be controlled by the NHS, the media, transphobic parents or transphobic politicians.

Families of trans kids are now able to connect to each other. Amongst private parent support groups the case for social transition is recognised fact. Family after family after family report what is glaringly obvious to any trans person. Trans kids need love and support, and with love and support they can thrive.

So yes, the UK context is dire. It is dire in a way that continues to cause immense harm to trans people, especially trans children.

But, the fight does not primarily lie in legislation or in policy or in the NHS. Those fights are vitally important and will continue.

But even while those fights are slow, demoralising, unjust and depressing as hell, the real victory is coming from every single trans kid who grows up without being overwhelmed by shame. From every trans kid who grows up expecting equality. From every trans kid who believes there is space for them in this world.

That is where the real battle lies. And that is where we will win.

Because trans kids are easy to love. They are easy to respect.

Trans kids who have love and respect will claim their place. Trans kids can and do have childhoods filled with excitement and joy.

Trans kids change the world, family by family, school by school, community by community.

Happy trans kids change the world. Pissed off and angry at all the bullshit trans kids change the world.

Every single time you show love and support for a trans kid (or for a family struggling to stick up for a trans kid) you are shifting our world towards a better place. Towards a kinder place.

So, for everyone beaten down by cis-supremacy and transphobia – think how many individual lives you have touched in some way with trans-positivity. That matters.

For every family who is struggling to keep their trans kid happy and safe – know that being affirmed and celebrated in childhood is setting your kid up for the future, and that is a huge part of this fight.

It is so easy to be overwhelmed by fear and stress.

It is so easy to see no light at the end of the tunnel.

Focus on the trans kids in our world. They probably don’t even want to go through that tunnel anyway. Follow their lead (with swords at the ready).

Keep up the fight.

Review: A House For Everyone, interview with author, Jo Hirst

November 3, 2018November 3, 2018 / growinguptransgender / 1 Comment

There are too few books which speak with authenticity about the experience of transgender or gender diverse children.

The majority of books about gender diverse children (10,000 dresses, My Princess Boy, The Boy in The Dress) focus on gender expression. These stories should be commended for celebrating children who break free of strict gender boundaries, but their message, that some boys, some potentially trans kids, can wear ‘girls clothes’ – always dresses, can be seen as subtly reinforcing the very stereotypes they aim to break – clothes after all, do not have a gender. These books rarely focus on gender identity, ie. who that child is, instead focusing on what they wear, or their play and friendship preferences.

Many of these stories follow a well worn trope of a child who is initially picked on for being different, is upset by this, and then following an event or intervention, is accepted by others. This simple message of celebrating difference might be helpful for children not experiencing these issues to understand the experience of those who are, but has the potential to cause shame and upset in those children who are already experiencing stigma due to their gender non conformity.

While there have been a handful of attempts to tackle gender identity in children in an accessible way, these frequently rely upon the same gender stereotypes of the gender expression books above. It is difficult, even for adults to get to grips with gender identity, how then can this be successfully handled for a child while avoiding pitfalls of stereotyping toy choices or the pink = girl, blue = boy gender binary.

Jo Hirst’s book, A House for Everyone, is a revelation. The picture book tells the story of a group of friends who are gender diverse. Together, they build a tree house and each child is introduced to the reader in turn. It is a simple and short book with delightful art. There is a strong and fast girl who has short hair and never wears dresses, a trans boy, a non binary child, a boy who loves dresses, and a boy with long hair who likes art, flowers and sport.

Jo, is both a parent of a transgender child, and a feminist critical of gender stereotypes. She is one of the voices leading the call for school uniform reform in Australia, and has spoken out about gender stereotypes.

I spoke to Jo about her book and what her hopes are for trans children:

@DadTrans: Your story includes both a trans boy and a non binary child, what motivated you to include these characters?

Jo: I wanted a story that would include transgender children and children who’s gender expression might differ from the social ‘norm’. It was important to me to show a clear difference between gender identity and gender expression. And at the same time let all children know that wherever you fit on the gender spectrum, no one is tied down to any stereotypes. Toys, clothes haircuts- these things don’t have a gender, it’s about what makes you feel comfortable. I chose a trans boy because of my son but also because they are underrepresented in children’s literature and in the media space in general.(Compared to trans girls) I’m not sure why that is as they are certainly out there in large numbers.

It was also very important to include a non binary child. While we are starting to see more young adult books with non binary characters, there are almost no books for young children, apart from “Are you a Boy or a Girl” [By Fox and Owl]. When the Trans Pathways research was done in Australia last year, 46.8% of the young people surveyed identified as non binary. I meet a lot of young non binary people here in Australia. If your child has not met a trans or non binary person yet, it won’t be long! It’s a good idea to get the conversation started

@DadTrans: We’ve found a lack of books which both cater to trans & gender diverse children and also don’t fall back on gender stereotypes. How did you address this issue in A House for Everyone?

Jo: I was very aware of not only not wanting to fall back on gender stereotypes but also to make the story a very positive one. The plan was to just have the story without any explanation of Gender initially. But after testing the first version on groups of parents and teachers, I found that the pronouns alone were not enough to explain who the children were, and what their gender identity was. I added some ‘notes for grown ups’ including terms, as well as a lesson plan, links to resources and further reading.

@DadTrans: A House for Everyone is your second book focusing on gender identity in children. How does your first book, The Gender Fairy, differ? What lessons did you learn along the way?

Jo: The Gender Fairy was about two binary transgender children making a social transition. The main purpose of that book was to let transgender children know they are normal and they are not alone, that there are other children like them. While The Gender Fairy doesn’t have the same focus on gender stereotyping, there is an opportunity to talk about how society stereotypes boys and girls especially at the beginning of the book. At the same time, many young transgender children do gravitate towards stereotypical boy and girl toys and clothes, just the same way cisgender children do. I do love that the gender fairy themselves are non-binary, and my favourite line is the last one when the children ask the fairy whether they are a girl or a boy, and the fairy answers “does it matter?”

@DadTrans: What other books would you recommend for trans or gender diverse children and their parents?

Jo: The Rainbow Owl website has a fantastic list of books and resources which they keep up to date with latest releases. (That’s recommended for parents by the Australian Psychological Society and reviews books for all ages from all over the world)

@DadTrans: What do you see as the biggest challenges facing transgender children and young people?

Jo: I would quote the trans Pathways research which found without family, school and community support 48% of trans youth had attempted suicide. It’s an uphill battle to get support in the face of backlash from transphobic conservatives and media. At a time when (in Australia at least) our doctors and psychologists are telling us to support our kids they are making it really hard. The hardest part is when kids are weaponised is political debates.

@DadTrans: You have spoken before about the lack of gender stereotyping in your own childhood. How much do you think that has influenced your books?

Jo: Parental roles, clothing and toys were not overly gendered in my own early childhood. My mother was a builder when I was growing up in the 1970’s with her own “Handywoman Service” and my dad was an English and History teacher who was an equal hands on parent which was unusual for that generation. My mother has what some people would describe as a masculine gender expression and has always identified as cisgender. I have always been able to see the distinction between gender identity and gender expression. The character ‘Ivy’ in A House for Everyone is very like my mum. She likes to have her hair cut very short, never wears dresses, was the fastest runner at school and was always the leader.

@DadTrans: As the mother of a trans child, what are your hopes for your child and the current generation of trans & gender diverse children?

Jo: I’ll be really happy when one day we don’t need books like this because everyone understands gender diversity.

I would like a world for my child and all children where being trans or gender diverse does not put you in danger. Where being trans and gender diverse does not mean you have less human rights than your cisgender siblings. Where all children have equal access to safe schooling, healthcare and supportive families and good friends. Pretty much what every parent wants for their child.

Final thoughts:

Review from @Fiercemum: A House for Everyone is exactly the book I’d been looking for, a book that includes and recognises and has space for, children who are transgender as well as those who are gender non-conforming. I’ve read it with a wide variety of children – and I see how much representation of diversity matters.

The book includes a trans boy and a non-binary child, two categories that are under-represented in books aimed at primary school age. One of the biggest responses I’ve had whilst reading the book, was from a gender non-conforming 5 year old cis boy, who was incredibly moved and validated by the book’s depiction and acceptance of gender non-conforming boys, boys with long hair, or who like sparkly dresses. The strong and fast girl Ivy, the group’s leader, is a character who would have spoken to me as a child, as a dress-hating cis ‘tom boy’, and is a character who resonates strongly with my trans daughter, who similarly loves climbing trees and having adventures.

In a world where many books about trans girls depict ultra femininity, in a world where many books about trans kids conflate and blur the differences between trans identity and gender non-conformity, A House for Everyone is a welcome breath of fresh air.

I recommend it for parents and schools to read with trans kids, for gender non-conforming kids, for kids who are diverse or different to their peers, for kids who love adventure, for kids who need to know that this world is diverse, that being different is ok, that there really is a space for everyone.

Other children’s books on gender we’ve enjoyed:

You may also want to check out the following books we’ve liked (in a rough order of reading age):

Red, A Crayon Story

‘Pink is a Girl Color’ and other silly things people say

Are you a boy or a girl?

Vincent the Vixen

George

Lily and Dunkin

Why does a biological underpinning to gender identity matter?

June 4, 2018June 5, 2018 / growinguptransgender / 6 Comments

Biological essentialism vs social constructivism

Biological essentialism (or biological determinism), is the idea that behaviours, interests or abilities are biologically pre-determined, rather than shaped by society. In an essentialist interpretation, innate differences between men and women result in ‘natural’ gender divisions – with men inherently (innately) better at decision making and women better at nurturing.

Feminists, Freudians, and queer theorists have all challenged biological essentialism. Second wave feminists argued that gender-based inequalities and differences were not natural, and were instead socially constructed. Girls are not inherently worse than boys at physics (due to having pink and fluffy brains) but rather, are often denied the opportunities offered to boys. Social constructivists demonstrated the many ways in which observed gender differences between men and women are socially engineered. Some went a step further, arguing that gender is purely a learned behaviour or a performance.

Brains are complex, and social constructivists, like the popular science writer Cordelia Fine, have rightly debunked the simplified and shoddy science that underpins essentialist claims that men are from Mars with their manly brains, and women are from Venus, with feminine brains.

Gender identity and the neurology of ‘trans brains’

Where then does gender identity fit in?

Some scientists have conducted neurological imaging studies on trans people, exploring whether there are specific, sexually dimorphic areas of the brain in which trans people differ from their assigned sex (the sex they were presumed to have at birth).

Published research findings, often with low sample sizes, have been interpreted as indicating that trans women have a brain more similar to a cis (not trans) woman’s brain than to a cis man’s brain. Such findings have been publicised in newspaper headlines as proof of the existence of trans people.

Such scientific studies, and their shallow interpretation and presentation in the media, have received strong criticism from a wide number of transgender commentators. There are a range of extremely valid reasons for criticism:

The suggestion that one specific variable can define ‘transness’ is reductive and overlooks the ways in which society, culture and experience impact on every individual including on the structure of the brain.
The reliance on any study as legitimacy for human rights is extremely dangerous – if the study results are later rejected, what happens to these rights?
The idea that any brain can be easily classified as male or female is simplistic and overly binary.
The suggestion (made by inaccurate media representation of the studies) that one specific variable can be used as a diagnostic test for transness also fills people with fear that any such test could be used by gatekeepers to judge who is accepted as trans and who can be denied support and denied rights. Any such diagnostic test would be entirely at odds with autonomy, with respecting people’s lived experience, with self-identification and dignity.

These reasons for fearing how science will be politically used, or for criticising simplified interpretations of scientific data, make total sense and have historical antecedents – I understand the fear and upset.

Rejection of biology

However, such comments very often seem to take one step further, rejecting not only biological essentialism and the unhelpful simplified, ‘soundbite’ biology loved by the media, but also moving into a sweeping rejection of any mention of a link between biology and gender identity. A culture in which the very mention of biology is discouraged.

This is where as a cisgender (not trans) parent of a transgender child I feel uneasy. I’ll attempt here to explore this from my cis parent’s perspective.

Pathologisation of diversity

For many decades, psychologists and psychiatrists have been aware of trans children expressing distinct gender identities at an early age – 2 or 3 years old.

Across the twentieth century mainstream medical convention, with some exceptions, rejected out of hand any possibility of a biological underpinning to gender identity. The consensus then was that a trans gender identity was a delusion, a mental illness that could, and should, be ‘cured’.

For young trans children, misogynist male psychologists and psychiatrists, frequently working in the field of sexology, focused their attention on the mother.

Therapy and treatment for young trans children focused on presumed maternal abuse or maternal failings.

Does it even matter why trans adults are trans?

When I hear people say ‘does it even matter why people are trans’ – when I hear people dismiss as offensive and unnecessary any consideration of any biological influence on gender identity, I have an emotional response. I also see this reaction in some other parents of trans children (though certainly not in all).

The denial of any possibility of a ‘biological underpinning to gender identity’ is historically tied up with the denial of the existence of younger trans children. The erasure of the existence of younger trans children has caused untold suffering.

As a parent of a trans child who is loving life, it makes me think of the trans children from decades past (and present in too many places in the world) who were traumatised and institutionally abused by medical systems designed to prevent or convert their gender identity. Neither the genitals = sex = gender approach of simplified biology, nor the feminist ‘gender is a social construct’ mantra, left any space for younger children to be trans. Trans children did not fit with either theory so therefore could not exist.

Impact of denial on families

Denial of the possibility of some young children being trans makes me think of the consequences of this denial. It makes me think of the mums who were coerced into distancing themselves from their trans daughters, based on some unsubstantiated theory that an overly close mother-‘son’ bond might lead to a child ‘misidentifying’ as female. How unbelievably cruel to do that to a family.

Shon Faye, whose work I greatly admire, recently wrote that she disagrees with anyone who suggests gender identity is innate and that it should not matter why people are trans. CN Lester, another writer whose work, and excellent book, I’ve learnt a lot from, critiqued the reporting of the research study under discussion and recommended reading work by Cordelia Fine, author of ‘Delusions of Gender’.

This particular recommendation makes me want to cry.

Delusions of gender as a book has real merits in its debunking of simplified biology, in its understanding that gender-based inequalities are not natural, and that men are not inherently better at parking. So far so commendable.

However, Cordelia Fine replaces the simplified biology of biological essentialism not with nuanced and complex biology, but a nod to social constructivism. Her work is routinely used by those who argue that gender is merely a ‘performance’ and that trans identities do not exist, except perhaps as a non-conforming person’s misguided response to gender norms.

The view that gender is purely a construct and therefore not ‘real’ is pervasive and extremely dangerous. Adherents of this view may well tolerate trans adults – with a patronising assumption that trans adults made a ‘choice’ to ‘change gender’ as a response to their non-conformity. But whilst adherents of social constructivism may begrudgingly tolerate the existence of trans adults to some degree, they allow no such tolerance for younger trans children.

The gender as purely a social construct contingent see social influence and gender stereotyping as the only reason for trans identities. They see no valid reason for the existence of young trans children.

Some of the more fringe, actively transphobic, elements of this group, throw their hate and bile at parents of trans children, accusing us of child abuse, demanding that the state take our children away, demanding that children be protected from ‘transing’.

The recommendation to read Cordelia Fine hit a particular nerve as ‘Delusions of Gender’ had a direct impact on my family. We had a family friend who was unable ‘ideologically’ to accept the possibility of the existence of a trans child. They rejected our child and through that rejection, our family entirely. In a parting gesture, they pleaded for us to read ‘Delusions of Gender’. This very book had been the germ of our now former friend’s belief that any trans identity is a delusion, and that pandering to childhood delusion is parental abuse.

Through my shock and upset, I was struck at the time by the unbelievable arrogance. The recommendation that instead of loving my daughter, I should ‘read up on Fine’ and learn that gender isn’t real. This was not to be the first such recommendation.

Fine’s work is populist and best selling, and over the years I’ve had countless similar comments from ‘well meaning’ individuals. It is not that I am ignorant or closed minded, far from it, I’d hazard I know more of Fine’s exploration of gender than those dabblers. I have read, considered, understood the theoretical position being proffered. The same cannot however be said of the Fine pushers. Their position is based on an assumption (from those who have no first hand experience of trans children) that trans children do not, indeed cannot, exist.

The recommendation to read Cordelia Fine is also, depressingly, front and centre in the advice that the UK Children’s Gender Service’s website provides for parents of trans kids. No space here for a clear and much needed message that ‘some kids are trans – get over it, try to be kind’. Instead they present a false dichotomy between simplified biological essentialism reduced to mention of “a boy’s brain in a girl’s body” and “academic psychologist Dr Cordelia Fine” and “gender as a social construct”, with differences based on experiences rather than biology. Parents wondering whether to accept and love their trans child are instead advised to read about the delusion of gender.

When parents and their children reach the children’s gender service in the UK, if they are allocated one of several apparently deeply transphobic clinicians (clinicians who hold so much power over trans children and families), they may then endure literally years of probing and questioning on parental views on gender, as the clinicians probe for the ‘root cause’ of gender diversity.

The social constructivist view also makes me think of the school teachers and class parents and wider community who argue that a child is too young to make a ‘choice’ to be trans and should wait until adolescence or adulthood. Who don’t see the harm of denying a child a happy childhood.

It makes me think of the people who look at us with suspicion, hostility, scrutiny, when I mention I have a trans child. Of the parents who steer their child away from ours, in case being trans is socially contagious.

It makes me think of the people who are no longer in our family’s life, who are unable to see a trans child as anything other than ‘social conditioning gone wrong’.

It makes me think of the people online and in person who target parents of trans children and accuse them of child abuse for loving their child. It makes me think of the haters who want trans children erased from our schools and communities. Who want trans children to be marginalised, made invisible, kept apart from other children.

The existence of trans children poses a challenge both to the simplified biology of biological essentialism and to social constructivism (the idea that gender is merely a performance).

Who cares whether or not biology has any role?

Many people argue that it should not matter whether being trans is partly influenced by biology or fully shaped by culture, society and upbringing. They argue that acceptance will not come through identifying a ‘cause’ for transness, but through people getting to know trans people.

I imagine and hope that acceptance will gradually emerge for trans adults. I think things are slowly moving forward.

What about trans children though? How do we ensure that gains in acceptance and visibility and legislative rights do not leave out trans children, the most vulnerable, those without a voice.

Too many advocates for the rights of trans adults are silent on the topic of young trans children. Many have no understanding or awareness that trans children exist. Others, consider trans children too controversial, too divisive to stick up for.

Trans children are nearly completely invisible. And whilst there remains a default assumption that gender identity is shaped not at all by biology but purely by culture and upbringing, then there will remain a reluctance to support younger transgender children.

Those who believe that gender is purely a performance, who believe that trans identities are socially constructed, do not believe in the existence of young trans children.

The erasure of trans children allows haters to paint themselves as crusaders saving children from being socially influenced or indoctrinated into being trans.

With no openness to the possibility of a trans child being part of natural diversity, they look for a reason. With young children it is blame the parents. With older children it is social contagion. In the first scenario they advocate removing children from abusive parents. With the second scenario they ask that trans identities never be mentioned, embraced or supported at school. For parents who are afraid and unsure how to react to a trans child, they advise conversion therapy.

Another way

Yet, as soon as people open their minds to the idea that there might be a (complex, messy, unattributable) biological underpinning to trans identities, that trans children exist, and have in fact, always existed, the whole deck of cards upon which the transphobes build their hate comes crashing down.

This opening of minds is possible. This opening of minds and shifting of world view happened to me.

Growing up as a gender non-conforming feminist, tired of sexist societal restrictions and expectations, I was instinctively drawn to a social constructivist view point. I had never met a trans person, but had subconscious, lazy, uneducated assumptions about trans people being enthralled to gender stereotypes. I have former friends who are still tied to this world view.

My world view was shaken when I had the good fortune to have a child who opened my eyes. An assigned male child who was insistent, consistent and persistent that she was a girl from the youngest age.

Learning to reset my assumptions

At first, I really struggled to accept my child as a girl. I told her she was wrong. Mistaken.

I did not believe it was possible for a young child to be trans.

I was certain that this child was too young to understand or reject gender norms or sexism or heteronormativity. I knew they were not making a choice, and certainly weren’t being influenced to be trans (she had never come across any representation of a trans person and I was unconsciously transphobic). She wasn’t even gender non-conforming in her interests. A suggestion I sometimes hear (from people who have barely met a trans person) that she was repressing internalised homophobia in infancy is absurd.

She had a persistent, consistent, insistent knowledge that she was a girl that withstood all forms of persuasion.

Like hundreds of parents all around the world who have experienced the same, I had to learn to reset my assumptions about gender identity. I learnt to love and accept my child for who she is. I have never looked back. She is happy and thriving.

I see how people who emphasise ‘gender as a social construct’ utilise that simplistic maxim to make my daughter’s life impossible. How they use it to argue against her rights. How they use it to accuse parents of abuse.

I see how people who claim genitals = sex = gender similarly use simplified biological essentialism to argue that my child is defined and invalidated by parts of her anatomy.

Neither the simplified biology of essentialism, nor simplistic social constructivism, leaves space for my daughter to exist.

Is there an alternative paradigm?

Holistic views of gender

I recently had a short email exchange with Julia Serano and she kindly shared a chapter she wrote on this topic back in 2013 (Excluded: Making Feminist and Queer Movements More Inclusive – chapter 13: Homogenizing Versus Holistic Views of Gender and Sexuality). What follows is what I took away from her chapter, adapted into my own words – I recommend reading her chapter first hand.

In this chapter, Julia critiques the failings of both simplified biology, (gender determinism) and social constructivism, which she terms gender artifactualism.

She outlines how biological essentialists and biological determinists, (often genital obsessed religious conservatist non-scientists), misrepresent and misunderstand biology and science. They present a simplistic last century school child’s version of human biology, assuming that a simple gene or hormone or chromosome works unilaterally triggering a domino rally of binary outcomes.

She also outlines the failings in social constructivism. For decades children’s gender services were dominated by social constructivists who believed that children could not really be trans and that such children could be engineered into accepting their assigned gender. Yet these efforts failed. Medical consensus is now absolutely clear that conversion therapy is unethical and ineffective – conversion therapy did not change a person’s gender identity, merely produced shame, self-hate and depression. Julia notes that gender identities are often ‘profound, deeply felt and resistant to change’. She notes that some people have a fluid gender identity, and that some people do experience a shift in their identity over time, but that such shifts do not result from external pressure and are ‘almost always inexplicable, unexpected’.

She advocates rejection of both simplified biology (biological determinism) and social constructivism (gender artifactualism). In its place she presents a holistic model of gender.

This holistic model of gender acknowledges that biology is complicated. Human biology is not the simplistic yes/no on/off approach that non-scientists and biological essentialists like to pretend. Real biology is complex, multi-faceted, interactive. Just because some people misuse (simplified) biology, does not mean biology itself is essentialist, deterministic, reductionist or sexist.

Julia notes that ‘the human genome has 20,000-25,000 genes. Any given gene or hormone is affected by countless different interacting factors. Because genes and other biological factors act within intricate networks, any given factor will push a system in a particular direction, but will not single-handedly determine a particular outcome’.

Julia argues that ‘while our brains are shaped by learning and socialisation, they are not infinitely plastic ie they are not blank slates. Some traits have a strong intrinsic component’. She notes that though ‘socialisation has a significant impact on brains and behaviours’ it ‘cannot fully override certain intrinsic inclinations’.

She makes a comparison with left-handedness, which is observed in utero before any socialisation. Even with societal pressure to conform to right-handedness some individuals maintain a preference for using their left-hand.

A holistic model of gender allows space for a biological underpinning to gender identity. A holistic model of gender considers the complex interactions between biology, society, experience.

Biological underpinning to gender identity

A wide number of scientific studies have concluded that there is a durable biological underpinning to gender identity.

This supports what other parents with experience like mine have been saying for decades from their lived experience. This backs up what some trans adults remember from their earliest childhood memories.

There is increasing evidence of trans children who have clear gender identities at a very young age. This evidence of young trans children is present in diverse countries and cultures across the world.

The growing scientific consensus of a biological underpinning to gender identity led to the global endocrine society publishing a position statement last year:

“The medical consensus in the late 20th century was that transgender and gender incongruent individuals suffered a mental health disorder termed “gender identity disorder.” Gender identity was considered malleable and subject to external influences. Today, however, this attitude is no longer considered valid. Considerable scientific evidence has emerged demonstrating a durable biological element underlying gender identity. Individuals may make choices due to other factors in their lives, but there do not seem to be external forces that genuinely cause individuals to change gender identity.”

(for the full position statement and more on the studies see here)

I welcome this consensus. I view it with hope that it will help open eyes and minds and hearts to the existence of trans children like my daughter.

I would happily share this scientific consensus on a biological underpinning to gender identity with a wider audience – I see in it hope of greater acceptance and support for trans children.

However I note that since the publication of this evidence based position statement from the medical establishment, I cannot recall having seen this printed in the media or even referenced in the few articles commissioned by trans authors. Indeed quite the opposite – more often there is a strong resistance to any mention of biology.

Do we have to reject biology?

I understand the scepticism around how biology can be misused, but surely that does not mean this should be rejected outright?

Whilst supporters of trans rights shy away from biology and science, it allows transphobic groups to present themselves as champions of science and rationality. Claims that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

Transphobes focus on gender as performance, as fake, as a delusion. Whilst a huge part of what we call gender is socially constructed, my child’s gender identity is not a choice, is not a delusion, is not a product of societal or parental persuasion.

Transphobic groups like to focus on what they simplistically call biological sex. They describe biological sex as a simple binary reality, with gender identity operating on some parallel dimension outside of biology. My daughter is 100% biological. She does not have a magic gender identity spirit disconnected to her biological body. Her biology is no less real or valid than the biology of cis girls. It is not essentialist to claim that her identity is an integral aspect of her biological reality. The true essentialists are those trying to present a simplified and fraudulent version of biological science, utilising distorted, cherry picked and biased pseudo-science to support a transphobic position.

Acknowledging biology without essentialism

The argument that we should avoid science in case it is essentialist or in case it is used against trans rights is a false logic.

It is possible to acknowledge the biological underpinnings of gender identity whilst acknowledging that a person’s felt and expressed gender identity is a complex interplay of biology, culture, socialisation and experience.
It is possible to acknowledge the biological underpinnings of gender identity whilst simultaneously recognising that identity is neither fixed, nor binary.
It is possible to acknowledge the biological underpinnings of gender identity whilst arguing very strongly against diagnostic testing for ‘transness’ or biological gate-keeping and identity policing.
It is possible to acknowledge the biological underpinnings of gender identity whilst maintaining that the only way to know someone’s gender identity is to ask them, and that a right to self-identification is a basic part of dignity

My daughter is real and valid and deserving of rights, equality, respect and dignity regardless of our current understanding of science.

But science already has plenty of evidence that trans children exist and that there is a biological underpinning to gender identity and I see no reason not to talk about this. Having a trans child (or being a trans child) does not mean rejecting science.

We should embrace science

My daughter is growing up with a love of science. A thirst for knowledge. I’ll teach her all the science I know, on microbiology, on chemical reactions, on photosynthesis, on plate tectonics. On neurology, on genes, on hormones and gender identity. On sample sizes, on causality, on peer review, on rigour, on interpretation and data manipulation.

Biology is rich and complex and we have so much still to learn. If she carries on with a love of science she will learn things far beyond my knowledge. Science (high quality science) is full of wonder and excitement and discovery.

We should not be afraid of saying loud and proud that we support science. We should be clear that those attempting to attack or dismiss transgender children and adults not only lack empathy and kindness, they also lack sophisticated understanding of science, of biology, of complexity.

Trans children exist.

They know it.

Parents know it.

Science knows (a bit about) it.

Stand up for trans children

I am (and always will be) learning. Friendly feedback is welcomed.

Girl Guides: How to radicalise hate against trans children in 10 easy steps

April 14, 2018April 15, 2018 / growinguptransgender / 8 Comments

Tomorrow, following a short but successful propaganda campaign, a UK Newspaper will publish an open letter asking Girl Guiding UK to suspend their policy of inclusion for All Girls, including those who are transgender. Guides has always, quietly, been inclusive of trans children. While there was a small amount of sensationalist and transphobic media reporting in 2015 when the current policy was formally adopted, until six weeks ago, there has been no organised attack on the organisation which my daughter is a part of. Why now? What has changed to make Girl Guides, Brownies and Rainbows a target of action from transphobic groups? This is not a random act, but follows concerted attempts by trans exclusionary groups to influence thinking within the UK Labour party on whether trans women should be included on All Women Shortlists.

It is part of the wider context of a small but vocal and increasingly organised loose coalition of groups made up of Evangelical lobbyists such as Christian Concern, radical feminist academics, misogynistic Men’s Rights Activists, reactionary conservative voices, and a growing grass roots anti transgender rights movement which has formed around the parenting forum ‘Mumsnet’. There, with few restrictions on content, under a banner of free speech, these groups have found one another, have radicalised and organised without challenge or moderation, united behind a single purpose – preventing advances to the rights of transgender people in the UK.

The campaign against inclusion of transgender women on Labour Party All Women Shortlists was the first active campaign to find an audience outside niche anti transgender corners of social media. This anti-trans equality campaign included a crowdfunding initiative calling for legal challenge to Labour Party policy, petitions to the Government, multiple linked websites promoting (mis)information, national public speaking tours by trans exclusionary activists. It provided easy media pieces for an already transphobic UK media, satisfying the UK Public’s seemingly unquenchable interest in stories written about (but not by) transgender people.

Girl Guiding are the next and latest focus of this anti trans rights coalition. Strategically, Girl Guides are seen as a soft target. Transgender children have little support, are regularly maligned by the mainstream press and importantly have no voice or right of reply.

The campaign built against Girl Guiding has been so rapid, so honed, that without knowledge of the context and the anti-trans equality groups involved, it could be misinterpreted as representing the concerns of the guiding movement. Instead of what it actually represents, the latest target of existing transphobic political lobbying by a small but active group of dedicated anti trans equality activists.

Here I present a 10 step guide to ‘how this campaign against trans girls and Girl Guides has played out’. And in response, rather than engage with their hate, I’ve simply listed 10 more productive activities that our daughter, a trans member of girl guiding, and the target of this campaign, has been engaged in during the same period.

Ten Steps to Raising Hate against Trans Children

Step 1: Take a committed transphobe with multiple anti-transgender websites.

Step 2: Get invited onto The BBC Victoria Derbyshire show (05/03/18) to discuss reform of the 2004 Gender Recognition Act (Spoiler, this act and therefore this discussion has no relevance to trans children – trans inclusivity is already covered by the 2010 Equality Act).

Step 3. Veer off topic with a hypothetical story about a predatory 14 year old boy pretending to be a girl to assault 11 year old girls at guide camp. Use this to publicly criticise Girl Guides for having a long standing approach welcoming All Girls, including those, who happen to be transgender.

Step 4: Create a thread on Mumsnet (home of transphobic discussion) to stir up hate and radicalise a wider population against a vulnerable minority (trans girls).

Step 5: Set into action existing anti-trans children websites and social media platforms, spreading fear and hate.

Step 6: Launch new anti-trans-children Facebook groups specifically to campaign against trans girls being accepted in Girl Guiding.

Step 7: Reinforce inflammatory talking points to enable radicalisation of people against trans children: focus specific attention on ‘child on child sex abuse’

Step 8: Send Mumsnet thread to friendly transphobic Times journalist for yet another attack piece in a long running campaign against transgender children. Have anti-trans-children story picked up by multiple other national newspapers.

Step 9: Inundate Girl Guides HQ with letters and emails, in an attempt to pressure Guiding to change their trans inclusive approach, adding veiled threats of legal action.

Step 10: Get your friendly anti-trans newspaper to publish a letter demanding that Girl Guides review their Transgender Policy (This Sunday, according to Mumsnet, the oracle on all things transphobic).

How to respond?

How can a mum like me fight back against such organised hate? How can I keep my daughter safe?

I write an anonymous blog. I have no power, no influence. I can count upon a tiny handful of allies willing to stand up for trans girls like my daughter.

There is no ‘powerful transgender lobby’ to defend us. I wish there was. There are no trans newspaper editors, no trans judges, no trans MPs.

It is hard to deal with so much hate. It is hard not to feel afraid. To feel like my country is not a safe place for my child. But life carries on.

Girl Guiding has been strong in their refusal to bend before a building anti transgender media, and have reinforced their commitment to All Girls in public statements. I am confident they will not waver in their commitment despite the latest media onslaught.

While incessant transphobes devote days upon days to making my (transgender) daughter unsafe and unwelcome, she’s been getting on with her life. Whilst they spread lies, misinformation, and hate, let’s see what my trans daughter has been up to:

10 better ways to spend your time

1: Learning British Sign Language to be able to better communicate with a deaf friend: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VRYQayi9czM

2: Going to school, learning stuff, (same as every other child)

3: Enjoying a Guides celebration of Mardi Gras (dancing, eating, painting)

4: Practicing tent building skills (indoors as it was snowing!)

5: Going to the cinema, eating popcorn

6: Attending a talk by local police officer on women in policing

7: Building a fire in the garden – attempting to make smores – giant mess

8: Reading Harry Potter (again!)

9: Eating too many Easter eggs (trading white chocolate eggs with younger sibling)

10: Laughing, smiling, talking, sleeping, loving, dancing, dreaming, living.

It is easy to paint trans girls as a scary menace.

My child is not a risk. She is not a threat. She is not scary.

She loves camping with her friends, staying up late, eating marshmallows (& smores) and telling ghost stories.

Anyone who knows a trans child like my daughter, can see how ridiculous anti-trans girl fear-mongering is. She is just like any other girl.

Those inciting anti trans fear, prejudice and hate know that the public don’t know any trans people, much less trans girl guides, brownies, rainbows. They rely on this ignorance.

Inciting hate against trans girls is not balanced ‘debate’. This is hate against a defenceless and vulnerable group of children.

No wonder trans children are at breaking point and the UK has become a dangerous place to be transgender.

No wonder, according to Stonewall’s School Report, 84% of trans children in school have self-harmed.

Anyone reading this who is a parent or carer – how would you feel if a child you love was the target of a cruel hate campaign? If they were being targeted just for being different.

My child is not a risk. She is not a threat.

She loves painting, hiking in the country, climbing trees, camping with her friends. She loves dancing like no-one’s watching.

My daughter is wonderful, kind, sweet (brave, clever, strong, and funny) and she loves Guiding.

Girl Guiding’s motto is ‘For All Girls’. Girl Guides is inclusive of deaf girls, girls with disabilities, girls from different ethnic or religious groups, and yes, trans girls too. Diversity. Inclusion. Kindness.

That includes my daughter.

Update 15/04/2018:

This morning the letter was published in The Sunday Times. Of the 100,000 volunteers in Guiding a paltry 220 people signed the letter who claimed to have some involvement in Guiding of whom a meagre 12 are current leaders. This demonstrates just how fringe these anti trans rights views are within Guiding, the wider British public and the UK Media led by the Times.

This last month and the last year or so has been a truly frightening time to be parents of a child who happens to be trans living in the UK. A week ago we were near to coming to the difficult decision to withdraw our child from Guiding as we were concerned her presence might not continue to be welcome. This would have been giving in to the bullies something we have raised our daughter, supported by Guiding to stand against.

We want to thank all those who have sent messages of support by email, Facebook, twitter from all corners of the world. Girl Guiding truly is a global movement and we’ve been overwhelmed by the positivity and solidarity in the face of these bullies. Thank you to Girl Guiding UK, Chief Guide Amanda Medler, and the UK media communications team. Thank you to the incredible leaders, both locally and throughout the UK who have helped us stand strong, either because they have a trans child, sibling or family member, have a trans child in their section, or who simply because they wanted to help spread the message that Guiding is for all girls.

Thank you,

thank you,

thank you.

#ForAllGirls

On Gender Stereotypes

February 6, 2018April 12, 2018 / growinguptransgender / 5 Comments

Someone recently wrote in to this blog, saying, in essence, that they ‘would like to support trans children’s rights, but can’t get over a nagging fear that children who are simply non-conforming are being pushed into identifying as trans’. The writer remembers being a ‘tomboy’ who hated dresses, and fears that such traits in today’s society would lead to her ‘being pushed into being a trans boy’. She asks whether a ‘butch woman who identifies as a woman can still be a woman’.

This is the way that very many people who are ‘on the fence’ about supporting trans rights feel. It is not dissimilar to the way I myself once thought about trans people, back when I had never knowingly met a trans person, back before I knew my daughter, back when a lifetime of ignorant media portrayals had depicted trans people, almost always trans women, as clichés of femininity.

Anyone who finds themselves thinking this way, please take a minute to consider a few things.

First consider where are you getting your information from? Have you met trans people who you consider to be making their lives harder and facing enormous discrimination simply from ignorance that girls can climb trees and boys can like dolls? Or do you perhaps know very few or zero actual trans people, and you are basing your judgement on media portrayals? If the latter, consider whether such media tropes are written by, directed by and feature trans people, or whether they simply project non trans (cis) people’s interpretation.

Second, can you really scrutinise the first statement – that you would like to support a marginalised group’s rights, but only once you have been persuaded by them that they deserve your support. Only once you have been persuaded that they are not naively/stupidly enthralled to stereotypes.

Can you not hear how that sounds?

It is not dissimilar to someone saying ‘yes I’ll support Muslim rights, as soon as they persuade me they’re not all terrorists’, or ‘yes I’ll support the rights of people on benefits, as soon as they persuade me they’re not lazy’ or ‘yes I’ll support asylum seekers rights, as soon as they persuade me they’re not criminals’.

I’m all too aware that certain people on the far right in our society hold all of these prejudiced views.

There is a mainstream portion of our society who would never dream of stating or even thinking those statements. Who understand that these sentiments and generalisations are grounded in media misrepresentation, ignorance and hate. Who would not buy into media vitriol about other minorities, yet fall into the trap of believing that trans rights, and trans children’s rights, need to be earned, can be withheld, are in some way conditional upon those children (and their parents) proving that their specific trans child is not a stereotype, and is not in fact a non-conforming child ‘forced into a trans identity’.

The insinuation that trans children are just non-conforming children being led astray is pervasive, a scare story proactively spread by those who want to marginalise trans people.

This accusation is thrown at parents like myself daily:

Why couldn’t you just let your boy play with dolls? (…she doesn’t like dolls)

Why couldn’t you just let him do ballet and wear a princess dress (…she likes football and prefers witches)

Those accusing us of stereotypes are the ones seemingly obsessed with outdated notions of gender specific toys and interests.

They worry that parental narrow mindedness or ignorance leads us to presume a ‘tom boy’ must be a trans boy, that a feminine boy must be a trans girl.

Because of course us blinkered parents of trans kids are tied to stereotypes and couldn’t love a non-conforming child.

Because of course, in their mind, all trans girls love pink and dolls and sparkly tiaras, and all trans boys must be ‘tom girls’ who hate dolls and dresses.

Having met many score of trans children, this couldn’t be farther from the truth. Trans children, and trans people in general are those who are tearing down the gender boundaries.

Of course we told my daughter that she could be whatever type of boy she wanted to be. This was totally misunderstanding the point and made our child deeply sad.

It is true that media depictions of trans children often focus on gender stereotypes, with pink = girl.

Every time I see any depiction of trans kids on TV I count the seconds until the trans girl pulls out a doll or the trans boy kicks a football. But guess what. I know scores of trans girls who had zero interest in dolls or dresses. I know trans boys who collect dolls.

Trans children are no more stereotypical than any other children.

The same for trans adults of course. Some trans women are extremely glamorous and feminine (just like I know some cis women who are always in dresses and makeup). Some trans women wear jeans and t-shirts and rarely if ever use makeup – just like me and tons of cis women. Gender expression is not the same as gender identity.

If you are ‘on the fence’ about whether to stand up for trans children, please question where you are getting your assumptions about transgender children from. If it is coming from a transphobic and ignorant media, or if it is coming from anti-trans children political groups, consider if the information you receive is biased, loaded or spun. Would you accept rhetoric about Muslims from Britain First?

On Media Tropes of trans children

I’ve identified three key factors why the vast majority of media does not present a true picture of trans children:

Media stereotyping
Societal expectations
Personal narratives (of children and families)

1. Gender stereotypes are pervasive in media coverage of trans children. There are many reasons for this:

Media stereotyping: TV shows regularly confuse gender identity with behaviour, toys or interests. Some media pieces seem to do this maliciously, to undermine the validity of trans children, to suggest to unaware viewers that non-conforming children are being made trans. In other media pieces the stereotyping may be unconscious. This is particularly the case when transgender people (directors, producers, narrators) are not involved. Many (but not all) trans adults and parents of trans children are acutely aware of the distinction between trans and gender non-conforming – and of the difference between gender expression and gender identity

Simple soundbites: Documentary producers often seek to tell a simple story, and select and edit soundbites to fit their narrative. This usually reinforces a ‘traditional’ and expected depiction wherein gender expression (eg clothing) and toy preferences (boys = trucks, girls = dolls) are highlighted as synonymous with gender identity. The public as a whole is still poorly informed – many people don’t know what the term gender identity means, many have never heard the term cisgender, or assigned gender, and some are unsure whether a trans girl is someone who was assigned male or female at birth. Documentaries need to ‘hold the hands’ of an ill-informed general public, taking small bite size steps into the world of gender identity. In this context, it is hard for a brief media piece to quickly convey complex and nuanced information on identity. It is much easier to revert to old clichés to help tell the story, looking for soundbites like ‘I adored dolls when I was little’ or ‘I was born in the wrong body’. I’m not denying that some trans people do say these things, and for some trans people this is their truth. But this is not the heart of the story for very many trans people, yet these same clichéd and simplified stories are the ones we see in the media time and again. Reporting on adult trans people seems to be moving towards more complex and nuanced stories about identity – not yet so for trans kids.

Simplified Visuals: Documentary makers like to use imagery to tell their story. A gender identity is not something that can be photographed or visually depicted. Trans kids, like all kids, will have items of clothing of a variety of colours. But it is the photo of a trans girl wearing pink that will make the documentary, that will be selected for the front cover. Trans girls, like most cis girls, will sometimes wear pink. Indeed it is hard to avoid pink in the girls section of most stores. Media images of trans girls almost always show them in pink – this does not mean trans girls wear pink any more often than cis girls. My trans daughter actively dislikes pink.

Participant selection: Some trans girls like football and trousers and climbing trees. Some trans girls like dolls and princesses and pink. Documentaries will give greater emphasis to the latter over the former (I hardly ever see the former shown, despite knowing plenty of trans girls who would rather climb a tree or play a computer game than dress as a princess). Many trans girls will like a wide range of toys, both dolls and cars and will gladly play with both. Which footage will make it into the documentary though? Of course, it will be the clichéd footage of the trans girl with the doll. This is very similar to the clichéd media portrayal of trans women always being introduced showing them putting on make-up. This is part of the truth for some people, but it is manipulative – emphasising stereotypical and clichéd aspects of lives that are rich, nuanced and complex.

2. Gender stereotyped expression may also be more prevalent in trans children, at some stages of their life due to external pressures

Medical gatekeeping: Adult gender identity services, for a very long time, insisted that trans women adhere to restrictive (and often outdated) gender stereotypes as a condition of acceptance for treatment. Trans women who might out of preference dress in a less stereotypically feminine manner were forced to conform to outdated stereotypes in terms of dress and hair style, or be denied support. This type of regressive gatekeeping is still experienced in children’s services, with reports of trans teenagers being told they need to ‘dress in a more stereotypically feminine manner’ or ‘need to sit in a more masculine posture’, or wear certain clothes, or style their hair in certain ways.

Securing support from other children: Trans kids want to gain the support of their peers. Adhering to a very stereotypical gender presentation is a way of signalling their gender identity to other children. When my child was trying to persuade her peers to address her as a girl she took to wearing sparkly hair clips as a visual queue of her identity. One day in the car en route to a party she lost her hair clips. She descended into uncontrollable sobs. When questioned she explained:

‘If I don’t have hair clips in, they will call me a boy’.

Since being accepted as a girl by all her peers, she soon stopped wearing hair clips. It was never about the hair-clip – it was about wanting to be seen by others and respected as a girl.

Asserting identity to parents: Trans kids desperately want to show their parents their identity. Clothing is an obvious route to asserting identity. When we were calling her a boy, my child refused to wear trousers (from a very young age). A very rigid and strident insistence on wearing dresses is for many trans girls a way to communicate their identity to their parents. Gender non-conforming boys like to wear dresses because they like the dress, maybe it sparkles, maybe it has a fun pony on it, maybe it is brighter than the dull colours in the boys section. But for transgender children, clothing is a means to an end, a useful way of trying to communicate and assert their identity. How do you know if it is a gender non-conforming boy or a trans girl? Listen to what the child is saying. Are they focused on liking dresses? Gender non-conforming child. Are they consistently, persistently and insistently saying ‘I am a girl’ and getting deeply upset and depressed when called a boy? That was our daughter. Once our daughter was accepted by us as a girl, her clothing choices gradually shifted to what is now a fairly neutral presentation for a girl – sometimes wearing dresses but most of the time preferring leggings or jeans.

3. Narratives of the child and their parents

Some parents of trans children like stereotypes and some parents like simple narratives that help explain their situation to a sceptical world: Parents of trans kids come from all walks of life. This is not an ideology that only parents with a certain world view sign up to. Trans kids appear in all kinds of families. These families are as varied as wider society, and the families of trans kids will mirror the views and prejudices of wider society.

Some parents of trans kids have very stereotyped and gendered expectations for their children. These parents, when recalling the childhoods of their transgender children, will remember and highlight examples of non-gender conforming behaviour. Such families may well say ‘It made sense that she was a trans girl, as she always liked dolls’. This does not mean that playing with dolls made the parent conclude their child was transgender, rather it meant that once she accepted her child as a girl, she recalled and emphasised examples of non-conforming behaviour that help her understand and accept her child.

Other parents do not have gendered or stereotyped views of children. These parents do not see any clear and simple correlation or causation between the clothes or toys that our children preferred, and their gender identity. Such parents present a more complex and less ‘packageable’ narrative. Such parents do not produce the short media friendly soundbites that documentaries rely on. This more complex parental narrative almost never appears in media depictions of trans children – instead media prefers the parents who say “my child loved dolls so I knew she was a girl”.

Some children need a simple answer: Our daughter has always known she is a girl. Like many children asked to explain her gender identity she cannot do so easily and simply. She quickly got tired of being asked “but why do you think you are a girl?” Gender identity is hard to explain, and adults would struggle to find an answer beyond ‘I just do’. When children assert an identity different to what was expected there is undoubtedly societal pressure to justify how they feel in some way. It would not be surprising to me for children to gravitate to emphasising examples of their own non-conforming behaviour or interests as extra justification for who they are. Especially when this is the depiction of trans children they see in the media. Especially when even the diagnostic criteria used by children’s gender identity services (in the UK and elsewhere) requires stereotypical ‘cross gender interests, behaviour, play preferences’ as credentials for being considered transgender (Gender Identity alone is not sufficient, children are expected to conform to stereotypes of behaviour, clothing or play preferences in order to be deemed gender dysphoric).

There is a popular children’s book written by a transgender girl called “I am Jazz” that seems to equate her liking ‘girls activities’ with being a trans girl. When I first read it with my trans daughter she noticed this and said “that’s silly, of course boys or girls can both like dancing/pink/ballet”. My trans daughter has a more nuanced understanding of the difference between identity and interests. And she shares my dislike of gender stereotyping.

It is possible to criticise some books and programmes about trans children as reinforcing stereotypes without jumping to a rejection of transgender children.

It is possible to dislike gender stereotypes and still want trans children to have happy and safe lives.

It is possible to want the best for gender non-conforming children and still want trans children to be treated with respect, dignity and acceptance.

Those of you on the fence about trans rights can carry on weighing up whether my daughter has proved her ‘not a stereotype’ credentials enough to be shown kindness, respect and acceptance.

I meanwhile will carry on raising a kind, confident, happy child.

I will carry on helping all my children to see beyond the stereotypes, limitations and restrictions society places on girls and boys (and non-binary people).

And I will teach them the importance of tolerance, kindness, and respect, especially for those who we don’t understand, especially for those who are different.

Research update: 12/04/2018

Research evidence is emerging which appears to confirm our experience of parenting a socially transitioned child:

Olson & Enright (2017) in the first ever study of socially transitioned children and stereotyping found that “transgender children and the siblings of transgender children endorse gender stereotypes less than the control group. Further, transgender children see violations of gender stereotypes as more acceptable, and they are more willing to indicate a desire to befriend and attend school with someone who violates gender stereotypes than the control participants. These results held after statistically controlling for demographic differences between families with and without transgender children.”

An Open Message of Solidarity to Parents of Trans kids in the USA

February 24, 2017February 24, 2017 / growinguptransgender / 5 Comments

Yesterday our family watched in sadness and fear Trump’s callous and cruel actions against transgender children.

We, and fellow parents of transkids in the UK wanted to reach out in solidarity with parents of transkids in the US, to let you know that we are thinking of you, and to send you words of love and strength and support from across the Atlantic.

Some of the battles we face are different; many are so very similar. Most importantly we share in common our pride and admiration for our amazing transgender children. They deserve so much better than they are getting at the moment – we can, we must, and we will change the world, to make sure that the struggles our children face today will be resigned to history books by the time they reach adulthood.

The world is gradually moving in the right direction. For so long the USA (in some areas) has been ahead of the UK, a beacon of what we can hope for in terms of acceptance, affirmation and support for transkids. Clearly Trump now is trying to move the world backwards, but this tide is not going to turn. Together, with courage, love and support we will continue to change our world.

We were particularly moved to reach out by words of fear and sadness from three brave and truly inspirational parents of trans children – Debi Jackson, Marlo Mack and Ron JR Ford (the former two speaking together on the phenomenal ‘How to be a Girl’ podcast and the latter speaking about his daughter from the steps of the Whitehouse). All three of these courageous and ground-breaking parents mean such an indescribably great deal to our family. They have put themselves out there (and in a way that we have felt unable).

We came across these inspirational parents at a time when our own family was questioning if, and how, to accept our young transgender daughter and we were desperately searching for answers and knowledge that couldn’t be found in obsolete psychological journals. From half-way across the world, the experience of these families and their children almost exactly mirrored that of our child. We no longer felt like we were alone in the world. It was their lived example, and shared stories in podcasts, blogs, videos, and interviews, which gave us the necessary confidence to support our daughter and fight for her right to be accepted for who she is. It also helped us to search for others closer to home where we found support from the amazing parents in Mermaids UK.

Deciding to accept and support our daughter was, in hindsight, so clearly and obviously the best decision ever. Our trans daughter is now the happiest, most confident and care-free child, so different from her life before. We truly don’t know if we could have found the strength to do this without the example set by the three of you and your families, who had trodden that very same path before us and made the way that much clearer.

From the bottom of our hearts, Thank You, for all that you do. From the two of us, and from all the other parents of trans kids in the UK we appreciate you; we are indebted to you; we stand by you; we are so proud of you and to the US #transkids superheroes including Jazz Jennings and Gavin Grimm who are role models to our child.

While we all felt alone once, know that you will never be alone again. In this defining battle for civil rights in the 21^st Century, we stand shoulder to shoulder, fighting for our children on this side of the world as you are fighting on yours. Together we will keep changing the world for the better.

All our love and a big hug from fellow parents from the UK to all parents of trans kids in the USA (and anyone, anywhere, in the world with #transkids)

p.s. If you ever visit the UK, we will make you very welcome.

If you haven’t seen these you should definitely check out:

How to Be a Girl Podcast at GenderMom.com by Marlo Mack (@gendermom)

“That’s Good Enough” speech by Debi Jackson (@the_debijackson)

JR, Father of Trans Daughter, Speaks at #ProtectTransKids Rally [and mum Vanessa!](@VanessaFordDC)

Gender Revolution: A Journey With Katie Couric National Geographic Documentary

Mermaids UK Supporting Children Young People and their Families (@Mermaids_Gender)

HRC (Human Rights Campaign) and their amazing Guide for Supporting and Caring for Transgender Children

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