Finding my fierce

lion

 

My heart is racing

My mouth is dry,

I bite my lip, I try not to cry

The pressure is sinking me,

My head will soon pop,

The criticism, the hate,

When will it stop

 

A headline, opinion, radio debate,

Another scare story, platform of hate

Day after day another attack

The mindless celebrity, the scientist quack

All spouting distortion, spitting out lies

They don’t know the facts, yet pretend to be wise

About surgery, hormones, desistance, trends

They couldn’t care less about my child and their friends

 

“There is a durable biological underpinning to gender identity”

This isn’t a choice

 

But I feel so alone

I can’t find my voice

 

I see how you stare on the playground each day

Eyeing the dress, judging the way

That I raise my family

It couldn’t happen to you

With your conforming children

You’d know what to do

If your child cried about gender in bed every night

If your child was depressed, saw no hope in sight

If you held them as they sobbed in your arms

Asking you to love them just as they are

 

The hate almost breaks me, it makes me despair

So many lies, so much distortion, it is all so unfair

I’m so close to crumbling, my head is a spin

I can’t let myself sink under, can’t let them win

I feel so hopeless, so alone, fragile and weak

If no one will stand up, I need to speak

I need to find courage

It must be somewhere deep

If I don’t come up fighting

I’ll lie here and weep

 

But the thing is

Now

they are happy

I wish you could see

They know who they are

They just want to be

Left alone to live their life

without fears

Without pointing fingers,

and whispers and jeers

 

You want me to squash them,

make them feel small

Tell them there’s no space for them

in this world at all

But the world is bigger than you can know

There’s room for trans children to grow

Up into adults who will succeed and thrive

Who will be happy

Thankful to be alive

 

I see their spirit, their courage, their heart

They need vocal allies, me for a start

They need sturdy defenders,

stood by their side

Telling the world they are perfect,

they don’t need to hide.

So I will stick up for them,

fight the battles to come

I will find my fierce,

my strength,

be a mum

 

15 thoughts on “Finding my fierce

  1. No need to weep
    There are others you know
    Who have been there before
    who were determined to grow
    into the brave warriors
    who will fight for your child
    and their right to be
    the person they are –
    like you and me

    Like

  2. Pingback: Finding My Fierce - Transfigurations Blog

  3. Can I share your incredible poem with others? I’d like to give you the credit, can I use your name please? Many thanks and kindest regards, Steph xx

    Like

  4. As a parent these heartfelt words brought stinging tears to my eyes. As a transperson I know just how cruel the tabloids and even the BBC have been in spreading spiteful misinformation. Sending love from the depths of my heart xxx

    Like

  5. Pingback: New supportive guidance from Church of England on transphobic bullying gives voice to a bullying transphobic commentary | Growing Up Transgender

  6. Wow! I could barely read this for the tears in my eyes. I can’t believe how reading this made me feel. It’s good to know that there are understanding people out there who love and respect their children for who they are. I send you my love and best wishes,I wish everyone was like you!

    Like

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